Setting up a boundary around oneself is what most of us never pay attention to. A pride that we carry inside tells us we don’t need the boundary as we are free and people around are beautiful inside out, they won’t hurt us anyhow. Our illusion comes under threat once someone enters our comfort zone and we begin to realise “Alas! Boundary should have been drawn”. Till that someone tramples your freedom and the basic rights, you are unable to believe that someone could actually do that. Having always been in a state of “I can do wonders”, you come to the halt and now believe you are mere puppet of the show. Not setting up the boundary is threat to your basic freedom and it is simply a way you are giving permission to people around to use you and dump you, to manipulate and make you feel guilty about things, to process you as per their needs. Of course we are humans, and humanity should be our identity. To helps others and make things easier for others, if possible, can make you feel like saint and encourages you to do it more often. And one definitely should be encouraged to be kind and source of help to other But realize that the help you are offering is not taking away your happiness. It is mandatory to identify the demons that suck your energies and in the name of family and friendship, they do not demand your inner peace. Once you give your inner peace, remind yourself that the boundary has been crossed already. One should be fair enough to differentiate between what he/she can offer and what he/she has been demanded. You can not fulfill all the demands of person nor is it your duty. Even if you help someone with all your heart, they will still find it not enough. If you find yourself not capable of helping the person demanding or you do not want to help because somewhere you know you are gonna suffer or your inner peace is gonna leave you, or whatever your reasons be, be clear with your words and keep it as simple as you can. Let them hear your ‘No’, make it loud and audible enough. Wrap it with grace, so that you do not trample someone’s dignity but be sure enough you do not let them trample your’s either. Your Yes and No should be clear enough. Setting up the boundaries is important for this will help you in not to shoulder everyone’s demands and burden, and protect you from the unrealised manipulation and guilt which often is the tool found in crossing the lines.
Providing helping hand to others, which mostly are our own family and friends, and being kind to them is a beautiful attribute one can have in this digital era. Empathy and love is hard to find these days but if you are one with all of them, then believe me you have been manipulated million times and made guilty of things that you never intended to do. You are most frequently being asked to help because you tend to give your cent percent and you are source of invisible sacrifices to them. While helping, you always keep yourself last in the priority list and prefer to be the one with maximum losses, which you believe is negligible somehow, trust me it will one day leave you stunned because people will demand that part of your existence which you are not ready to give. And guess what? You will cut yourself and give them that piece of you existence and leave yourself with poisoned inner peace. You will every morning get up claiming to set up the boundary now but the past behaviour will have such an impact over you that people will never stop asking and you will never stop giving away your pieces. To help oneself should be the top priority and the first rule of helping. It begins from you.
Of all the things you are thankful for, add a thing to the list. Be thankful for your heart and ask for the strength to say no when you really want to say it. You deserve most of your love and care which you spend away haphazardly. When you finish giving yourself importance and you still have something to give, then lend the helping hand. Be mindful of that. You help others because they need help, not because you can offer your pieces. You are not supposed to do that. Leave something to God, stop being one. You are not. Help without crushing your soul. Help and also care beyond your boundaries is harmful to your being. Set boundaries in both ways, don’t let anyone cross them nor do you flow with emotion and get carried away beyond the borders.