Mother: My daughter, Have I brought you up for this day? Do you not realise this will ruin our reputation in society.
Daughter: But Mother I am compatible with this guy and the understanding we share is worth it. I will marry only him, none other.
Mother: Marriages of such sort do not last longer. He will make you feel like trash just a year after, remember my words.
Daughter: Mother he is good man, loves me and respects me, what am I supposed to have more ?
Mother: You are breaking our expectations and hearts just to be with him?
Daughter: No Mother, I am seeking your blessings and I can not go untill I win you. I am incomplete without you and so am I without him.
Mother: We are never going to bless you in this case. This guy is a trash and will not keep you as me have kept you for this long. You are gonna regret it if you do it. So I am not allowing you for this marriage. You have got a suitor, a gentleman with a vision.
Daughter: I can not marry anyone else. This is wrong.
Mother: If you do not accept our proposal, you are not gonna see our face forever. This is like death to us and it is more killing because our own child has turned rebellion. How lucky are people whose children are faithful to them. I don’t know which of our sins God is punishing us for. I had so many dreams for you.
Daughter: You can fulfill your dreams here as well, if I get married to the man of my choice. I will achieve everything you wanted for me.
Mother: That’s is impossible. I am begging infront of you, please save our reputation and do as I say. We have done so much for you, can’t you do just this much for us. Your siblings could possibly suffer because of your decision. Can’t you just leave him for us, your family? Don’t we deserve this much from you?
After a lot of manipulation and gaslighting, Daughter sacrificed her love for the sake of her family. Suitor was selected and marriage was fixed. Conversation few months after marriage;
Mother: My darling, didn’t I tell you this man is wonderful. He has quite reputation and he is God fearing, he will keep you happy.
Daughter: Yes mother.
Mother: So how’s your life treating you now. Does he give you gifts? Did you guys go for any vacation? Hows he at home?
Daughter: Life is good. He is great with his language. Abuse is new lifestyle and nightmares are vacations.
Mother: Darling what are you saying?
Daughter: Mother, he is a filthy man, abuses me every evening and even has hit me. I don’t wanna go back. I have lost the self-respect there.
Mother: No my darling, a little fight is fine in marriage. He is good man, do not talk about it with anyone. None in our family has spoken such kind of words about husband. You are going to be fine.
After a year, she had a baby boy. A blessing it was and her happiness knew no bounds. A conversation after few months;
Mother: Your husband is very happy. You have given him a joy of lifetime. See I told you, things do not remain same.
Daughter: Mother, he beats me and abuses me, he trashs me every single moment. He doesn’t listen to me , doesn’t pay attention to my needs, and this boy is just a trophy for him for he has successfully proved himself a man. I don’t want to go there. I want my life back. Please mother, help me.
Mother: My child, do not share this with anyone, our reputation will be ruined. No one in our family has ever gotten separated from spouse. You will be fine. Give him time and space. Try to understand him, make his favourite dishes and see the magic.
Magic never happened. Phase after phase, she sacrificed her happiness for her parents, siblings, marriage paper, her son and the list of sacrifices continued.. She never lived for herself. She doesn’t know what being in existence actually mean. She only knows that she needs to sacrifice something to make someone else happy. She is still sacrificing, right now may be for her son’s future, she continues to be in that abusive marriage.
Had her family given her chance and believed her choice without judging her choice, she might have been in happy place, living in literal sense. Her existence would have been graced by that love of her life and respect she deserved. She might have had her own identity. But her mother chose to seal her lips.
This is perhaps everyday story in Asian countries. At least India is at the top of such conversations. They give wings to daughters and then take no time to cut them