Parent them Louder

When you raise the children of yours, be certain that you are pouring kindness in them but be even more certain that you are not teaching them to put themselves behind every other person in their lives. Be sure that you tell them to care of others they love but I insist be sure that they don’t take it as not to take care of themselves. Teach them to set priorities in life and love everyone but in the process of making everyone happy, teach them never to abandon themselves. It is good to see if someone cares for you but if that someone is killing himself or herself inside, then that care is nothing but a chain of command that he/she was taught in the name of care. Neglecting oneself and doing things for others when you want them for yourself is not the way to care. This way a huge weight will accumulate on their hearts and a day will come when that weight will merge their existence or that weight will explode and will waste their sacrifices, in addition to that it will cause the bonds to break in such a way that no one will ever be enough courageous to rebind them.
You constantly compare your children with the children of others and somehow you set a standard for them through that comparison. The fact is that you lose the opportunity to let you children thrive on their own, and you lose a chance to meet an extraordinary person in future. While comparing, they forget their identity and individuality, and they put on someone’s cloak so that to ease comparison you make. You have to give them chances, stop comparing them. It’s yours duty to pour into them goodness and qualities of standard but along with them, show them you love them the way they are, show them they are growing into excellent beings. If they offend you or make a bad decision or do something wrong, scold them clearly and straight. Be clear with yours words, say what exactly you mean and show them the right path but do not make fun or more comparisons.
No doubt children learn by watching you over a period of their growing stages but merely your actions won’t help if your words give them a mock or satire. For every try they do, they put their existence into it and by chance if they fail, then your mocking will make them coward and they will stop doing things. Since they are in growing period, your making fun of them even if it’s unintentional or for their encouragement you do it, they lose their faith in their strength and as a person they will with time lose the ability to tackle the situation or a thing on their own. They will lose the opaque wall of difference between right and wrong and along with that they are losing the confidence in themselves and their dependency on you or others judgment will increase exponentially. And this is the your failure as parent. If you want to encourage them, please be straight to them, use the direct words of encouragement. Not everyone is of same calibre and not every one will turn out to be a sarcastic one. Not everyone will understand yours remarks, they have their own perception level and mocking could dismantle their perception. That Canvas needs to be painted by them with their own perception and prejudice and your words can take that ability away, though it seems you are just making things easy for their understanding, which might not be the truth.

You want to make things easy for them, just pat them and loudly encourage them and if they go wrong, hold their hands and drag them back without breaking their souls with the taunts and mocking. Speak to them softer and parent them louder.

11 Comments

  1. Farida Hakim says:

    Sometimes it’s easier said than done, especially when they are in their teens 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ursa says:

      Lessons learnt in teens remain intact throughout life. So no worries, what has been said and learnt will be done some day😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Veena says:

    Believe in your upbringing believe in your children . There is no comparison between any two beings .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ursa says:

      Yes you are absolutely right Veena. But the fact is parents do compare if not mentally, but they do say so to their kids. “Neighbours kids are well mannered” , “other kids got better grades”, “Had you worked harder, you would have been topper” ..these are some of the lines of comparison which actually break kids confidence.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Veena says:

        Trust me it is not that difficult to avoid comparison . This is my personal experience . 🙂🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ursa says:

        Thank you for sharing. Even if it is difficult, we have to overcome this.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. rahjomuelvin says:

    Yes. It may be a little bit difficult especially if as a parent I lack the qualities too. But by God’s grace I try my best to model good things to them. Great reminder for parents.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ursa says:

      Trying best is far better than stacking up your own failures on children. Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rahjomuelvin says:

        Yes, I agree with you.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. DreamsandReality says:

    Word

    Liked by 1 person

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