Best version of being

Ten she was, when some naughty stuff had provoked her father.
“Sorry father”, she spoke timidly, looking for the forgiveness in his eyes.
“I hate this girl, I hate her very much”, father tells her mother.
Engraved for lifetime, those words marked her course of life. She felt them, piercing her heart and she stands in that corner of kitchen, near door, looking totally shaken and goosebumps all along…. thinking and asking hypothetically to speaker ” but why father, am I not supposed to make mistakes and be naughty for this period of life”, but those words where only heard by her.
Watching her sister next day gave her a hint of discovery, she thought to herself ” I used not to like very much my sister, that’s why God has put hatred against me in my father’s heart. I am being punished for not loving my sister”.
A tinge of guilt resided in her heart for rest of her lifetime, thinking she was punished for things she did not know. Awareness and senses that normally the child of her age doesn’t have, got their foundation. She would analyze everything around her and everyone around. She would try decoding everyone from her family. She felt unliked and wanted to be liked, decoding others expressions and gestures, she would try everything to make them happy and like her Starting from loving her sister, she made herself so compassionate that everyone could feel her warmth. She would even make fun of herself just to make them laugh and love her, she would try liking Their choices. Pretending all the things she might not have been, she became a person everyone loved. Compassion and faith were her attributes. Faith in everything she had in, was merely a false assumption and she had it because she thought she was loved for what she was, forgetting how since ages she had been trying to be someone else. Though her compassion was true, but her faith got shaken along the time for making the choices for life she did not want to do. While growing up she had been trying everything to do as she was told. Making choices for herself was beyond stars. How to rejoice everyone gave her shots of joy and peace. Ultimately when her faith got trialed, she would speak to the walls. Finding no answers to her why’s and if’s, she was revealed her idea of being. Introspecting everyday gave her a clearer vision of herself and all the happening that had shaped her into this being now.
Having not stood by herself and for herself, not making choices and mistakes, she felt alien to herself. How could someone be so cold to herself or himself, though being compassionate to everybody else. It hit her. She had just met her true self. Her self was questioning her choices and coldness she showed to herself. It was then she realized that it is always good to be compassionate and loving, wanting good for others but it is never good to leave oneself to brutal coldness of its own self. Loving everyone but not oneself was a waste of love. Not setting oneself as a priority is greatest offence one can do to oneself. Being good to everybody does not give them privilege to make your choices and choosing oneself doesn’t mean you are disrespecting others. Setting yourself as priority and helping others along is the best version of human being one can be.